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Taking inspiration from "Writer's Block" [21 Mar 2008|11:44am]
You those little "Writer's Block" prompts that appears on the logged-in LJ homepage? Most of them suck. But I'm bored, and I clicked back a few entries until I found one I liked, which reads:

"What is your favorite quote? And why?"

"...In the end, no one will ever give a shit who has kept shit "real" except the two or three people, sitting in their apartments, bitter and self-devouring, who take it upon themselves to wonder about such things. The keeping real of shit matters to some people, but it does not matter to me. continuedCollapse )

I don't even know how to explain how awesome reading this was, the first time I read it in an introductory English class as a freshman (side note: thank you, English professor, for introducing me to Eggers, my literary soulmate). It grapples with - briefly struggles with, even, but then resolves - the idea of being a "sellout" and makes you realize right then and there, that you're being a silly twat if you are allowing external factors besides your own likes/dislikes, want/needs determine what you spend your time and energy thinking about and talking about. It makes it obvious just how silly it is to make a fuss about things being "real".

I don't know. I'm not explaining it well, but I think it speaks for itself anyhow. Dave Eggers, you rule my world ♥
knife in your back

[04 Dec 2007|01:26am]
So. I'm 21 now. Weirdness and such.
1 stuck a knife in your back

[01 Nov 2007|03:40am]
[ mood | awake ]

So things are weird right now. I've never hooked up with a girl before last Friday and I feel totally awkward because Chelsea is the hippest, coolest person ever, and I feel retarded because she's completely gay and I'm completely straight. And she's one of Jack's best friends, which means I'll be seeing her every weekend.

Oh em gee it's like a month until my 21st. FINALLY.

2 stuck a knife in your back

Photo post! [28 Oct 2007|01:00pm]
[ mood | amused ]

I'm too lazy to do a real update right now, so here are the three most interesting things about my life recently:

1) Rocky Horror Picture Show themed house party (at my house)
2) I got my hair cut
3) I made out with my friend Jack's friend Chelsea

And now, photos!Collapse )
3 stuck a knife in your back

[02 Oct 2007|12:54am]
[ mood | busy ]

Whoa college this year has been absolutely amazing... I live in this super-fun co-op which has been the best possible thing for me. I've made friends and have an actual social network and social life now... it's great.

I miss Paul a lot (the guy I was "with" this summer) but I actually just recently hooked up with someone different here that I met at the Bang* which was a good/bad experience. The good was that he was absolutely gorgeous (dreaded hair/chiseled physique/stylish as all hell) and the sex - which occurred three times in one night - was amazing. The bad was my housemates initially making me feel kinda bad and my overwhelming feeling of having "cheated" on the boyfriend I don't even have.

*The Bang is a huge hipster dance party that occurs a few times per year at the Blind Pig, which is a local music venue here. It's essentially a huge retro-esque dance party where tons of scene and indie kids get together and boogie their asses off for hours on end.

Bang photosCollapse )
1 stuck a knife in your back

[15 Aug 2007|09:54am]
[ mood | productive ]

So, I'm "in therapy" now, whatever exactly that entails. I'm going twice weekly to an ED clinic and talking with a Psy.D. who's actually amazingly cool and someone that I feel like I might achieve some degree of progress in beating this... I wish I had started going to her earlier, though. I'm going back to school in only about 2 weeks and obviously don't have a lot of time to get into too much with her. I'm going to be coming home a lot of weekends, though, and meeting with her then as well.

I'm doing (relatively) well, lately - I'm purging less and feeling more optimistic altogether. I've still got more anxiety-provoking stressors in my life than I'd prefer right now, but hopefully I can sort out most of that stuff within the next few days.

I know it's bad bad bad but right now cigarettes are definitely helping me to keep binge tendencies at bay. I'm only talking like one cig per day, anyhow, not half a pack or anything. It's a terrible long-term fix but for right now it's helping me stay sane, and hopefully in not too long I'll be less dependent of bingeing for stress relief and won't need cigarettes at all.

3 stuck a knife in your back

[17 Jul 2007|02:43am]
[ mood | silly ]

Dear Santa Claus,

Please bring me

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

for Christmas this year.

Love, Alison
knife in your back

I'm alive y'all! [14 Jul 2007|11:28pm]
[ mood | bored ]

I am really terrible at updating this thing and at keeping tabs on what everyone is up to, but I'm going to try and be better.

I want a cute haircut but my hair is really unfortunate looking and seems interested only in being thin and straight. I'd kill for big, sexy hair or at least for hair thick enough that when pulled into a ponytail it doesn't resemble a piece of string.

I got backstage a few weeks ago at Summerfest when Rise Against was playing... that was amazing. They're hands down my favorite band and they're really friendly and accomodating people too. I am obsessed obsessed OBSESSED.

2 stuck a knife in your back

[24 Jun 2007|07:55pm]
[ mood | lethargic ]

Note to self: do not have sex while drunk and high. You wake up bleeding.

Haha, that sounds worse than it ever should... Paul (the ex-boyfriend mentioned in the previous post) and I were just a little too into what we were doing, I guess, to notice that I was getting a little roughed up. Whoops!

So anyhow, last night was pretty freaking out of control. Paul called me up and asked me if I wanted to go to a party in the city, and if I'd be okay with this girl Danielle going (who I used to be friends with until my little sister and she had some silly drama). We wound up going to the north side of Chicago with two other kids to a BMX bike party and then back to our friend Steve's house. I wound up around all the kids I partied with in high school (but semi grown up, and slightly less idiotic) and had a really good time. I got to hang out with a girl I loved back in the day but grew away from, and it was a lot of fun to be around her.

Ugh, not looking forward to the weekend's end.

knife in your back

[12 Jun 2007|11:27pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Sometimes I feel like I'm a collage of extremes - I'm never satisfied with being "normal" or a "moderate" thinker on any issue or regarding any behaviors. The most obvious example is my eating disorder, but my political and societal/moral beliefs are probably just as dramatically extreme (at least in comparison with most people's).

When it comes to politics, I suppose a lot of people already recognize that I'm a certifiable left-winger; however, I sincerely doubt that many people realize how far left I truly find my views squaring with. I always use the term "liberal" to define myself politically because the truth is I'd be lying if I said "democrat". In actuality, I'm so disillusioned with the notion of democracy that it'd probably be more accurate to define myself as an anarcho-communist or simply an anarchist, but to do so openly would be conducive only to my being ostracized and treated with contempt by most people I know, specifically my father.

I'm anti-patriotist, anti-nationalist, and anti-capitalist. I'm for open borders, the legalization of marijuana as well as many narcotics and hallucinogenics, and believe flag-burning ought to always be protected as a free speech right. I support PETA's choice to use extreme measures to draw attention to their cause and I think city governments bust sex workers because a lot of the time they're too lazy and/or afraid to go after real criminals. I smile when I spot stencil kids and laugh out loud when my dad is trying to use Rush Limbaugh ideology to further his talking points.

Morally, I suspect my beliefs are a lot more extreme than most people's as well. Despite actually being arrested and brought to court in the past for shoplifting ("retail fraud" being the official charge) I honestly do not feel any real guilt from the act of shoplifting and ripping off others, provided the loss is inflicted upon a large chain of stores or corporation and not a single individual or mom & pop type shop. I suspect I'd feel a lot more guilt if I were to five-finger discount a place like that.

I love books and zines like Evasion and Steal This Book, which are full of anti-establishment sentiments and scams. I soak up information on sites like RORTA and feel all the wiser for doing so. If I could disattach myself from the fairly comfortable life I've lived in the past, I would gladly follow a course of action like Mac ("the Evasion boy") or live as a freegan in a punk squatter house.

And now everyone on my f-list thinks I'm crazy. I probably am, but I'll just move to a hippie commune in California and I'll blend right in.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
4 stuck a knife in your back

A couple pictures... why not? [07 Jun 2007|01:22am]
[ mood | quixotic ]

+2Collapse )
3 stuck a knife in your back

[31 May 2007|12:51am]
I constantly vacillate between thinking I'm a hippopotamus and thinking I'm goddamn adorable. Strangely, it usually depends on whether or not I'm having a good hair day.

Also, I am completely fucking sudoku-ing my life away. Stupid addictive puzzles.
2 stuck a knife in your back

[30 May 2007|11:04pm]
[ mood | blah ]

I'm back from vacation, it's okay - you can stop being totally unable to function in your daily lives because you all missed me so much.

Lol... okay not really, but yeah, I'm back from Las Vegas and TAN, & I'm not really any fatter than I was despite eating (and digesting a lot of) fatty garbage for six days. I am really not impressed with the fact that I did purge daily, but I'm relieved that my dad and sister never caught me and I therefore didn't ruin anyone's vacation (well, besides my own to a degree). And I didn't really binge binge, you know what I mean?

June is going to be amazing because it has to be.

knife in your back

[20 May 2007|03:11am]
[ mood | morose ]

So I got drunk this afternoon/evening so that I wouldn't binge & purge again today... I know alcohol makes some people more prone to bingeing, but it makes me far, far less interested in food, and I definitely passed out cold by like 8pm.

Now it's 3am and I'm wide awake. Fan-fucking-tastic.

Maybe I should do something constructive with myself, but seriously - what am I going to do at 3am on a Saturday night beside troll various online communities and forums? I seriously cannot wait to get back to Chicago on Wednesday. I'll be so, so much better there... no more of this stupid shit, at any rate.

Also - and this never ever used to be the case - I've become obsessed with my scale. I probably weigh myself 5x a day, even when I know it won't be accurate because of having eaten/drunk. As an anorexic in the past, I was probably weighing myself once every two or three days at most. Weird.

knife in your back

[17 May 2007|10:00pm]
[ mood | artistic ]

I've been interested in living a subversive, freegan-ish life for some time now. I should stop reading shit like Evasion, it's not helping my case any.

knife in your back

[16 May 2007|09:00am]
[ mood | cold ]

So this is approximately the fifty millionth reincarnation of yours truly on LJ... I guess you could say that I change journals every time I want to "shed my skin" and start over fresh, with new friends and membership in new communities.  I feel like I've lived a thousand years in the past six weeks and I guess part of me wishes quite earnestly that it could be as easy to leave things in the past behind as it is to change journals.

This journal, however, I already feel I've invested a bit more of myself into, in terms of taking the time to make it look presentable and bothering to make the profile say a little about myself.  So this journal will, hopefully, survive for a long while...


knife in your back

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